My name is Karen and I'm so very humble and thankful for you to know my journey. These difficult things are hard to hear but I made it through with God's love and help.

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I'm from a small town called Rock Spring, Wyoming. My mother moved to Utah when I was 8 years old. I was truly blessed to be the only child of a wonderful mother who taught me right from wrong. She also taught me ONE thing that held me up for the 15 or so years that I was homeless - "You have a savior Jesus Christ who can save ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME."

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My mother died when she was 40. I was only 25 when she passed. I was an only child and was left alone on this earth, I felt like a child left alone with no one to love me.

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I found myself homeless, drug addicted, with a failed marriage and the loss of my children's respect. I was walking around Utah in the worst of the winter months. Cold, dirty, sick with cancer and I felt less than human, asking God 'why are you leaving me on this earth wasting other people's oxygen?' I know that those dark days built courage, strength, and faith. To be homeless and alone is so dark and so scary.

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​I used to go to the Salt Lake homeless shelter down on 2nd. At 6pm every night they would close the shelter to all of the regular homeless people. We were kicked out so the women and children could come in for the night for warmth. The shelter didn't open back up until 6am the next morning, so we were out on the street in the coldest part of the night. One cold night my friend Keith and I were sitting on the shelters back stairs where there was some kind of light, we tried to get some warmth from the rays of one light bulb. I felt like my tears would freeze on my face. As those tears were rolling down my face they felt like they were burningmy face also. Keith and I were sitting there wrapped up in our blankets and he said "Karen, it's so cold I know a little cubby up at the Cathedral, we could go there and be warm." I was too cold to walk, so Keith was kind enough to stay with me. Keith did not make it that night - he froze to death. That night DEATH crossed right by me and killed my friend. When I discovered Keith I screamed, "Why did you pass me by, I wanted to die." I always knew that taking my life was a sin but I was hoping HE would have taken me.

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At that time in my life I didn't even know how lost I was. I was wandering by myself walking all over SLC chaing my drug demons. The drugs would numb the pain for a while until they wore off and then the search started for more drugs, feeling better for a short time but then everything started over again every day, every hour, the same thing over and over again. A vicious cycle. God's mercy kept me and I wouldn't let go. The demons really had a hold of me. Iwas really down. He said He would deliver me and that's what I believed. That's what His promise is. 

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Some nights and some days I would go up to the 4th street bridge. I would take a piece of cardboard that I had stashed, brush off the broken liquor bottles and lay down - so afraid I would be hit by a car in the night. I could hear the cars driving by my body, so close. I would be so tired and eventually pass out with lack of food and sleep. 

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Think for a minute about being outside in the cold or the heat with no personal products for women, ask yourself what would you do if you started your menstrual cycle on the streets??? When this happened to me I would have to wash my body - riddled with cancer - in the restroom at McDonalds, using the hand dryer to dry what I had washed. I remember one night I was so tired of the lifestyle and while in McDonalds restroom I melted down the wall and just cried. Homelessness strips your dignity. In the restroom God held my hand when I thought I couldn't do this anymore. I remember hearing "Oh yes you can, yes you can." Nobody else could have helped me except Him and His love. So I got up and survived. ​​But I am here today with a clean heart. I puled myself out of homelessness and drug addiction with help from God and others. He said to me it's ok to cry Karen, I'm right by your side. He told me to stop and listen, He was trying to tell me to stop trying to do it my way.

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At the beginning of the end of my homelessness I started sleeping behind a LDS church dumpster. It was a safe spot for a single woman on the streets. One Sunday I woke up behind the dumpster and the sun was shinging on my face and I got the courage to walk into that church building and sit in the back of a meeting. A woman caught my eye and kept beckoning for me t come sit by here. I went and sat with her but told her to sit away from me because I stunk of smoke and homelessness. She put here arm around me brought me in close and rubbed my back as she said, "Don't worry about a thing. In this ward we love you just the way you are."

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I joined the LDS church about 14 years ago and started working in the LDS temple in 2023. I knew I awas better than my addictions, loneliness, and homelessness. I am here for a reason, He saved me. Jesus Christ's atonement saved me. I will be right at His feet, if He wants me there. I want to publicly thank my God for all He has done for me and that He has never left me alone. 

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One day recently I felt the need to walk back over some of my steps from my homeless years. As I did so it brought back a lot of scary and sad memories. I went through one of the same alleys I had once slept in and felt great gratitude just seeing how far I have come. Instead of sleeping on the bridge--- I drove over it with my little car. When I was walking in these steps, there are still people suffering in the same spots. This time it was different, I had my protection on my body, God was my shield. There are saints on my shoulders holding me up now. I have an Army of Saints, a true Army! I am PROUD and THANKFUL. Remember what my loevely mother said, "God can save ANYONE." 

 

I hope that my mother is proud of me.

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